


I'll help you through the darkness

by skepticvic



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Academy Era, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dadmiral Christopher Pike, Eating Disorders, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Heavy Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, Tarsus IV, but dont worry, he has his parents to help him, jim has some problems hes gotta work thru, just a lil bit, phil is such a mom, sarek is trying his best, somehow this turned into an
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:22:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 18,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23679841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skepticvic/pseuds/skepticvic
Summary: All i want is for Jim not to be alone. Is that too much to ask for JJ Abrams??? so here's a story about Jim finding a family he could depend on, personal growth, and falling in love, with some BAMF moments in between.
Relationships: Amanda Grayson/Sarek, Carol Marcus/Leonard "Bones" McCoy, James T. Kirk/Spock, Philip Boyce/Christopher Pike
Comments: 27
Kudos: 118





	1. Preface

**Author's Note:**

> My first multi-chapter fic. One of my many quarantine projects. As always, there are some sections of this book with angsty stuff and mentions of eating disorders, and other topics that align with Tarsus IV stuff, so please read at your discretion. 
> 
> Please take care of yourselves and PRACTICE SOCIAL DISTANCING! # i know u want chimken nuggies but they are NOT essential bro

“Do you know how irresponsible your decision was? How can you stand here and tell me that you took the necessary precautions? You may have jeopardized an entire civilization’s future and you almost got yourself, Spock and your entire crew killed. You justify your playing God, with blind luck.”

Jim felt the last sentence as if Chris had just struck him across the face. Chris really thought him to be that shallow and stubborn. Didn’t he understand his actions? What motivated him to save that civilization? After everything? “Dad, I understand-”

“No. Here I am your commanding officer, not your father.” Chris’s migraine increased ten-fold knowing that right now he was making the hardest decision he has ever made. “If you don’t respect the rules set in place, how are you going to respect those under your command? Judging the situation per Starfleet regulations, you know the consequences. Your actions show you are nowhere near ready to sit in that chair. The admirals and I will make our decision at our meeting today. Your father and I expect you for dinner at 1800 sharp. Do not make me hunt you down. Dismissed.”

**...**

“I know he made some bad decisions, but this doesn’t seem like something Jim would just decide on a whim. Chris, that does not sound like our son.”

“Honey, trust me, I know. I know our kid. I know that Jim had a very good reason for doing what he did, but it was not the way to go about things. He almost got himself hurt, I can’t just sit here and watch him hurt himself, no matter how subtle he thinks he’s being. I can't lose him again, Phil.”


	2. We meet again, my dear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> couldn't leave yall hanging with just a preface. that'd be mean.
> 
> apparently, I don't know how to write light-hearted or non-serious things. gotta work on that.

**Riverside, Iowa, 2250**

The cold wind blew over Captain Christopher Pike and his husband Dr. Philip Boyce as they stood facing the commemorative statue of Captain George Kirk for the annual Kelvin memorial. The usual flurry of movement in the Riverside shuttle yard seemed to come to a standstill as speeches and videos were shared about the captain who had sacrificed his life to save so many others. Chris never enjoyed coming to these memorials. Nothing would bring his best friend back. 

At the end of the service, Phil and Chris stood up and made their way to the shuttle docks in order to catch their flight back to San Francisco. Chris immediately noticed a blond boy with striking blue eyes and just for a second thought he was seeing his long-deceased best friend. The boy caught his eye and immediately looked down, turned, and started to walk away.

Without thinking, Chris shouted, “Wait!” The boy actually stopped. Not turning around but acknowledging that he heard Chris calling to him. 

Chris let go of Phil’s arm and jogged to reach the boy. “What’s your name, son?”

“Seems like you already know who I am, so why ask such a redundant question?” By then, Phil catches up to them and loops his arm in Chris’s. Phil looks between Chris and the boy with expectant eyes. The boy turns around and eyes both of them for a few seconds longer than necessary before speaking again. “James T. Kirk. If you want an autograph, you gotta pay. If you want a picture, sorry to burst your bubble doll, but I don’t do those,” James says with a leer. 

“No, son, I don’t want either. My name is Captain Chris Pike and this is my husband, Dr. Phil Boyce. We used to be very close friends with your mom and dad. The last time I saw you was when you were three and your mom was getting married again.”

“Alright then nice to see you again, if that’s it, have a nice day.”

“Kirk, wait, I haven’t seen your mother or your brother in years-” 

“Welcome to the club.”

Phil then said, “James, I was wondering if my husband and I could talk to you. We were going to get some food, we don’t know Riverside much, so you can help us choose where.” 

**...**

Jim didn’t even know why he said yes, he didn’t know anything about Pike or his husband. They could be murderers, or worse, Starfleet. This could be a free meal though. Jim could sure use it after getting fired from the mechanic shop the day before. How was he supposed to let the manager just embezzle money and cheat his employees out of their paychecks? It was unfair. Of course, no one else wanted to stand up against the manager with him, so he was the only one that got fired. It’s times like these where he wished he could shut his big mouth sometimes. 

Pike drove with one hand on the steering wheel and watched James through the rearview mirror wondering what was going through the boys’ head. They were going to a local diner called Ruby’s which according to James had the best burger and fries. He felt Phil grab his unoccupied hand and gave him a reassuring squeeze. He knew that by making the decision to talk with James, they were both canceling sessions and meetings. Chris had a gut feeling that it would be worth it. 

When they made it into the parking lot of Ruby’s, all three got out of the car went into the diner and sat down at a booth. A waitress soon came by. “Good morning y’all, what can I get your family today?” 

“Oh yeah, hey Shannon. Can I get my usual?”

“Oh Jimmy, of course, almost didn’t recognize you without your mechanic uniform and grease all over your face. How is working at Bill’s?”

“I actually got fired yesterday. I started an argument with him about how he was running his business and stealing from his employees. You were right, he isn’t that great of a guy.”

“Lord knows that man could use a knock on the head and a kick to his ego. I’m sorry you got fired, but I’m not sorry you don’t have to work for that despicable man. As always, if you need a job, my husband Garrett is always hiring at the bar and if you need a place to stay our doors are always open.”

“Thanks, Shannon, I’ll let you know.” She then turned from Jim to get Chris and Phil’s orders and went back to the kitchen to put their orders in. Chris and Phil had been watching the interaction the entire time, wondering how he found all of the information about the stealing. Jim turned back to Chris and Phil and stared back at them in a bashful and innocent way. “Yeah, so I may have hacked into the shop’s financial records, but I covered my tracks so even if you knew it was me, there would be no way to prove it. You guys aren’t police or anything, right?”

“No James we aren’t police,” Phil said reassuringly. “We were just curious as to how you got those records. I guess now we know. Goodness, you’ve grown into a fine man, Chris and I have both tried asking Winona about you and your brother for years, but she never responded to our comms. We only received one message from her and it said that she never wanted to see us again and that we had no business asking about your family. Then we both got shipped out into space. So, we couldn’t come and find you boys and check up on you.”

“Wait, shipped out into space? Are you _Starfleet_ ,” Jim interrupted.

“Yes, we are, but we’re both grounded in San Francisco for the time being. I’m Captain of the _USS Enterprise_ which is set to launch in a few years, and Phil is a doctor for the Fleet, he’s working at _Starfleet Medical_ ,” Chris explained. Chris could see the wild look in James’ eyes as he heard the word _Starfleet_. Chris couldn’t blame him. It’d taken away his father.

“James, we know you may have some reservations about Starfleet-”

“That’s an understatement Dr. Boyce, you don’t know half of what I have suffered because of Starfleet.” Now Jim had lost his facade of unimportance, this scrawny kid had a crazed and angry look in his eyes as if he had lived a thousand years and had seen all tragedies life had to offer.

“Of course, I wouldn’t know but James, Chris and I want to help. We always saw you and your brother as our kids, we took care of you guys when you were younger. Obviously, I was your favorite, not Chris. We want to help you. What did Shannon mean by “if you need a place to stay,” what happened to the farm? Your brother, your mother, Frank?”

“Sold. We haven’t owned the farm since I was 13 when my mother, Frank, and I went off-planet to live with my Aunt and Uncle. Sam ran away before we left, good riddance, who needs him anyway? And I got back to Riverside a year ago, got my GED, emancipated myself at 16, and I’ve been working odd jobs and staying at the hotel down the street from here. So as you can see, I’ve been fine and dandy on my own. Thanks but no thanks. I’m not going to be some way you can selfishly clear your conscience.”

“James, that is not what we’re trying to do.” Chris’s hard tone made James look his way with a disbelieving, annoyed gaze. “As much as you don’t want to believe us, we do not have ulterior motives, your mother, father, you, and your brother are our family. No matter how many years we’ve spent not talking, that will never change. James, I know this is out of nowhere and you have no reason to trust us, but this is the truth. We do not have an ulterior motive. Let us help you.”

Shannon then came to break the tension with her smiles and their meals. Lunch was full of small talk about how much Riverside has changed and the husbands’ adventures in space during their 2-year mission. They talked about Jim’s ventures into free online college classes during his off hours from whatever job he was doing at the time. When it was time to go, Chris and Phil knew they could not say goodbye to their boy again. They’d just finished laughing about a story Chris told them about an alien civilization who greeted each other by sniffing each other’s armpits when Phil asked Jim a question.

“James, do you want to come to San Francisco with us? You don’t have to say yes, I know you think you can only count on yourself, but we’re here now, and both of us want to help you. But we would love for you to come back with us.” Although Chris was surprised at the question Phil asked, he agreed whole-heartedly. 

“Yeah, kid, just think about it. If you come back with us, we’ll help you get a good job, and you can have more opportunities for college and studies. You’ll live with us, or we’ll help you get your own place if that’s what you want. We just can’t say goodbye to you, kid.”

Jim’s eyes stayed glued to his empty plate at the table. He didn’t know what to say. He had always felt so alone because those who were supposed to love him never did, and he doesn’t know if he can go through that again. What made matters more complicated is that they were both in Starfleet. If he trusted them, would Starfleet take them away from him too? “I’ll probably be a burden, and I’ll stress you out until you’ll kick me out, but for the time being, I’ll go. I want to get out of Riverside. Since I’m going with you, you might want to call me Jim. Only the authorities call me James, and it’s not because they’re kinky. Now, are you gonna eat those fries? If you aren’t I might as well eat them. I hate wasting food.”


	3. Let us do the heavy lifting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> three chapters in one night? when I have finals? apparently so. hope yall enjoy whats up so far.
> 
> remember to practice SOCIAL DISTANCING if u don't gotta go out don't go out  
> # I kno u want sum chimkin nuggies BUT they are NOT necessary bro

**San Francisco, California, 2250**

“Have you changed your mind about me being a burden, yet?”

“Jim, we told you the day we found you again and we’re telling you now, you are never going to be a burden.”

Jim had now lived with them for two months and things were going pretty well. He had decided to stay with Phil and Chris since he didn’t want to put extra stress on them by having to find him an apartment. Jim had decided to finish his Associate’s degree and was now on his way to finishing his Bachelor’s in Engineering, with a minor in Computer Science and Mathematics. It would take him about a year and a half since he tested out of a lot of subjects. Apart from his studies, Jim worked at a computer science research lab in the city and assisted a doctor who was furthering quantum coding and encryption technology for Starfleet. Chris had never asked Jim what he wanted to do with his Bachelor’s but Chris was starting to think Jim would make a terrific career at Starfleet. Phil and Chris were very proud of him but were having a very hard time convincing Jim that he could trust them and were not going to throw him out. He also had not broken out of the habit of giving all the credits he earned through his job to Chris and Phil. Phil noted that it was Jim’s way of “earning his keep.” They had slowly been making progress on using Jim’s money to spend it on things Jim liked such as his favorite foods or books. 

“Chris I just broke your very expensive, very hard to get, bottle of cognac from Starbase 15.”

“Well, did you mean to break it when you were reaching for the book?”

“No. That doesn’t change the fact that I did.”

“Well, kid, lucky for you. I know how long it takes to make and to get here, so I ordered one last week for your graduation.”

“Chris, you didn’t have to buy one for my graduation, it’s so long from now, plus it’s nothing special. I’ll pay you back for it.”

“You know, if someone gives you a gift it’s bad form to try to return it to them. Now, clean up the mess and be careful with the glass, and go wash up because you reek of cognac. I’m pretty sure Phil is gonna bring home some good food from that conference he just got out of.”

At that moment, Chris heard the front door open and the smell of Andorian and Orion food waft through the air. His stomach grumbled and went to greet his husband. Phil had a tired look on his face, so Chris grabbed the bags from Phil’s hands and greeted him with a peck on the lips. He knew a grumpy Phil was not a talkative Phil. Chris set the food on the kitchen table as Phil wrapped himself around Chris’s back.

“Some doctors don’t deserve the title they’re given. How can people be so _stupid_?”

“So, I suppose they had differing opinions, and you proved them wrong?”

“Don’t be a smartass with me right now Christopher, I need some tender, loving care. Not smartass with a big mouth. I felt like I was in the twentieth century. You would think these people would know simple surgical procedures.” He knew his husband did indeed need some TLC, it’s the same thing after every conference, so that’s why Christopher took the time to clean the tub and go out and buy bath bubbles and eucalyptus lotion. 

“You can complain to me later while I give you a massage.”

“Fine. I’ll shut up. Where’s Jim?”

“He’s washing up because he dropped my prized bottle of cognac.”

“‘Prized?’ Really? You hate the taste of cognac. As much as you hate to admit it, you’re a vodka and gin type of guy.”

After that, Jim came down from showering upstairs, the three of them sat down and had dinner. The conversation was flowing easily between Phil and Jim, switching between the medical conference and a required xeno-biology course he was taking until Jim began to repeatedly cough and clear his throat. “Jim, are you alright? Do you need more water?”

“I’m fine Phil, just a little tingle in my throat. It’ll go away soon.” Yet, it did not. He spent the next two minutes only getting worse and worse. All of a sudden his eyes bulged and his face became beet red and collapsed out of his chair while Phil was in the kitchen getting him another glass of water and Chris was at his side, rubbing his back.

“Oh God, Jim! Chris go get Jim’s epinephrine hypo in his room, it must be in one of his drawers. Hurry!”

Chris ran up the stairs as fast as he could while hearing Phil reassure Jim that everything was going to be alright and he was going to be fine. Chris scrambled into Jim’s room and started opening his drawers to look for the hypo. What he found instead were ration bars and water bottles stashed in each drawer. In every drawer there was at least one ration bar hidden in each. He finally found a collection of epinephrine hypos in one of the uppermost drawers where Jim kept his father’s Starfleet insignia and an old tattered letter written to him by his father. He grabbed one and ran down the stairs. He handed it to Phil who then administered the hypo with practiced ease. Jim’s color soon began to lighten and his eyes fluttered closed from exhaustion because of his body’s freak out. 

“Chris help me get him up. Let’s lay him on the long couch in the living room.”

Chris kneeled down and picked Jim up, one hand holding his head and another under his knees. Jim was too light for his age. Chris could not believe Jim was suffering right under their noses. The ration bars, the water bottles, his apparent scrawniness, his anxiety at throwing away food. How could they not have known? Chris realized that only he knew about the ration bars and water bottles as he set Jim down on the sofa. Phil pulled a blanket over him and put a plush pillow under his head. Chris then looked at Phil with guilty and mournful eyes as Phil stared back with a questioning gaze.

“Christopher. Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Honey. We need to talk about Jim. You need to sit down first.” Chris stayed kneeled at Jim’s side, smoothing back his sweat-soaked hair and waited as his husband sat down on the adjacent sofa. Chris finally opened his mouth and said, “I think Jim has an eating disorder.” He heard nothing from his husband and finally looked up from Jim’s face into his husband’s and realized there were tears running down his cheeks. Chris stood up, sat down on the adjacent sofa, and wrapped his arms around his husband. “I found ration bars and water bottles stashed in his drawers. Phil, he was so light when I picked him up.”

“Christopher, how could we not have noticed this? Our boy, our kid, was suffering and we didn’t even know.”

“I know Phil, I keep asking myself the same thing. We can’t help him if we stay stuck in this loop of guilt though. How do we confront Jim about it? How do we help him?”

**...**

It wasn’t until the week after that Chris and Phil were able to ask Jim about what they had found out. Jim had recovered the day after from his health scare and didn’t even seem to freak out about it. Meanwhile, Phil wanted to schedule Jim for so many health check-ups as soon as possible. He did not want to be blindsided by a stupid allergen he can easily take out of Jim’s and their diet. Chris scheduled all of his meetings in the morning and Phil switched shifts with another doctor. They both decided on the Thursday after Saturday’s allergen fiasco, since it was Jim’s least busy day. Jim walked in whistling with a bright smile on his face, and Chris almost called the entire conversation off. It was obvious Jim didn’t trust them well enough to tell them what was going on. He didn’t want to ruin the relationship they’d cultivated over the last two months. Yet, he knew it had to be done.

As Jim walked into the sitting-room he noticed Phil and Chris sitting grimly on the sofa. “I swear whatever happened, it wasn’t my fault. It was an accident. I definitely did not replace the vodka with water.”

“What the hell, Jim! I got that vodka from Russia! No wonder I was still sober on Monday night.”

“Oh, wait, so you didn’t know about it? Damn it, then I rat myself out for nothing?”

Phil then looked at Chris scoldingly and turned to Jim. “Sit down Jim, we want to talk to you, but we don’t want you to freak out. We’re only bringing this up because we want to help you, just like we’ve tried doing since the beginning. We understa-”

Jim sighed and lowered his gaze to the floor. “You found the ration bars didn’t you?” He looked up and saw Chris and Phil nodding. “I figured you did if you had to find the allergy hypo. I’m sorry, I don’t know how you feel about food in the rooms. I tried not to make a mess. Yeah, I got some problems, but it’s fine, they don’t bother me, I’m used to it. I get it if you don’t want to deal with a problematic kid. I’ll be out of your hair by-”

“Okay, hold your horses, let me interrupt you now. You are not going anywhere young man. Christopher and I have not changed our minds for one second about having you here with us. We were so close to not even talking to you about this because we thought it would blow up in our faces and you would leave. Jim, we want to help you. It’s up to you if you’ll let us.”


	4. You'll take a step forward, but never alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> congrats to the happy family. thx for yalls kudos and comments, I really appreciate it :)
> 
> SOCIAL DISTANCING # i kno u want sum chimken nuggies BUT they are NOT essential bro

**San Francisco, California, 2252**

“Our little genius looked so cute up on that stage.”

“No waterworks now Phil, we have pictures to take. I’m proud of our little genius too.”

It was now the day of Jim’s graduation, and Chris had a handful of blue balloons and plastic, red roses- since Jim was allergic to real roses. Jim had finished his bachelors at 19 and his pseudo-parents could not be happier. They were all the more grateful that Jim was acclimating to a healthier way of life in San Francisco. After a year and a half, there were no longer ration bars stuffed inside Jim’s drawers and closet. He started becoming more open about his feelings and his life with Chris and Phil. If it was a bad day full of anxiety, he knew Phil would make time and cook with him or just spend time with him lounging in the sitting room. Also, Chris would always find ways to keep Jim’s mind occupied if his anxiety was getting the best of him. Jim was never an affectionate person if it didn’t involve one-night-stands, but now he was used to the affectionate shoulder pats, ruffle of the hair or a hug goodnight.

A few weeks after the allergen fiasco, Phil had brought home a grumpy young man from Georgia who had steady hands and a longing in his eyes that he couldn’t hide. When they met him, Dr. Leonard McCoy was a twenty-five-year-old country doctor who came to work at Starfleet Medical after a nasty divorce that left him without the ability to see his daughter. Leonard and Jim had quickly become good friends. Leonard, always exasperated by Jim’s antics and puppy-like attitude. It became a regular sight in Starfleet Medical to see Jim bothering Leonard, or as he has dubbed him “Bones,” during his lunch breaks or whenever Jim had a break in his schedule. Bones and Jim had gone out drinking one night after Jim had finished his finals and complained all night about some bigots disguised as cadets who sparred with a Vulcan cadet. The Vulcan ended up breaking two of the cadets’ bones while trying to defend himself against their stupidity.

The four of them were now on their way back to Chris and Phil’s house after the graduation ceremony. Even though Jim had said he didn’t want a celebration, Chris and Phil wanted him to have at least a get-together with their little family and a couple of Leonard’s friends who Jim had met. Jim realized he had come to see them as his fathers. He knew that it had only been a little more than a year in a half since he was sitting across from them in the old diner in Riverside. He was glad Phil had gotten him into therapy and started working with him at home for his eating-disorder. Jim remembered that when he had gotten to Riverside at sixteen years old and emancipated himself, he was still in the mindset that food was something you earned. If you didn’t earn it, you didn’t eat it. His sixteen-year-old self didn’t see anything wrong with that. Then, when he started therapy with one of Phil’s doctor friends from Starfleet Medical, he realized that he was hurting himself, Chris, Phil, and then Leonard by not eating when he should. His family and friends wanted to see him healthy. Jim realized he wanted to be healthy, not for anyone else, but for himself. He deserved to take care of himself, in order to be able to take care of others.

As their car rounded the corner to Chris and Phil’s townhouse, Leonard handed Jim a blindfold and ordered them to put it on. “I swear Tiberius, if you make one sex joke, I’m telling Nyota and Gaila about the toothpaste and whiskey incident. Don’t think I won’t.” Chris and Phil knew Jim was sexually active. The way they found out was a funny story that involved hangovers, hickeys, lace panties, and Orion perfume. The only thing was that Jim had to use protection because Phil told him he was, “too young to be a grandfather.”

“Oh, but Len, I love it, I lose all my senses when I’m with you,” Jim said in an overly sultry voice.

“That’s it you little maggot.” Leonard ripped the blindfold from Jim’s hands and put it on Jim himself, making sure to tie it extra tightly. Jim laughed loudly, amused that he was always able to rile Leonard up.

“Okay, but why do I have a blindfold. Phil, I thought you said it wasn’t a celebration,” Jim accused. “If I see a balloon or a cake, I’m gonna lose it. If I see a present, I’m stealing your vodka again, Chris.”

“What did I do? I’m just the chauffeur.”

“Yeah like you’re so innocent. Mr. I-bought-you-a-bottle-of-cognac-as-a-present. You don’t even like it. You’re a vodka guy.”

“It’s settled! I was right! You are a vodka guy,” Phil exclaimed, finally getting to prove his husband wrong.

They soon parked their hovercar in the driveway and all headed out and into the house. As soon as Chris ripped the blindfold off of Jim’s head, everyone waiting by the front entrance to the house yelled, “surprise!” Jim smiled happily and laughed as confetti rained down on him and all of his friends crowded him with hugs and congratulations. Nyota Uhura, Gaila Vro, Hikaru Sulu, Pavel Chekov, and Montgomery Scott, were all first years at Starfleet Academy along with Bones. They all knew that he was going to join the upcoming year and was hopefully going to finish in three years so they could all graduate together. He planned on telling Chris and Phil tonight. Little did he know they had a surprise for him as well.

“Before we continue the festivities,” Chris announced, “there’s something we want to ask you, Jim.”

“We’ve had these since the week we brought you to San Francisco from Riverside, and we’ve been waiting for the right moment to ask.” Phil then brought out an envelope from behind him and handed it to Jim. Jim stared at the envelope until he began to open the top to see what exactly the envelope held. When he first read them, he couldn’t believe his eyes. He looked up at Chris and Phil with a vulnerable, tearful, loving gaze. He looked back down to the papers, read them again and started nodding, his voice not working. Phil let out a sigh of relief and gathered Jim into his arms, Chris following behind and wrapping his arms around both.

Jim heard Nyota whisper, “Len, what’s happening?”

Jim then stepped back from the hug, wiped his eyes and turned back to the rest of the group and said, “adoption papers. They’re adoption papers. Chris and Phil are adopting me.” Then Jim found himself wrapped in more hugs and given more congratulations.

...

When everyone had gone home and the three of them had cleaned up the mess of cake, leftover food, and confetti. Jim brought his parents into the living room and sat them down. He sat on the coffee table in front of them and brought out his own folder and told them, “I’m joining the Academy.”

“Oh thank goodness, I didn’t know how to tell you I scheduled you for an interview with the admirals in two weeks. Or that your entrance exam is in three weeks.”

“Chris! You said you wouldn’t! You promised me we would do it together! My husband is keeping secrets from me now!”

“Phil, it’s all good, I’m joining anyway. You tried to be slick Chris, but you had to give them my comm information, of course, they sent me a heads up. I already know I’m going to pass the entrance exam, I’ve been talking to Scotty and Pavel about it, so I know what to expect. Another thing, I know at first I wasn’t the touchy-feely kind of person because you know, issues. I know both of you get mad when I try to pay back what is freely given, because, duh, it’s freely given. But I just wanted to say thank you for caring and sticking by my side. I know it’s not official yet, but I’ve already been calling you guys my parents in my head for months and I just-”

“We already call you our son, Jim. If you need any proof you can ask any of my coworkers at the hospital. I was gushing over my PADD the other day because of the pictures I took of you when you were trying out your graduation cap and gown.”

“Same with me, just with Number One and my newly appointed first officer.”

“So, it wouldn’t be weird if I called you dad? I’ve had to bite my tongue so many times this past month or so.”

Phil took one of Jim’s hands into both of his and said, “we’d both be honored to have the title of your dad.”


	5. The beginning of a road worth traveled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter for yall lovely ppl. it do be fluffy and light.
> 
> yo but like fr "empty chairs at empty tables" has been stuck in my head and I think im gettin a little too lonely from quarantine but am I going out? no sir
> 
> PRACTICE SOCIAL DISTANCING # I know u want sum chimkin nuggies BUT they are NOT essential bro

“Okay, but Pops, think of this, I start classes in about a month. If I live on campus, Bones could be my roommate. Nyota and Gaila could live across the hall from us. Sulu and Chekov as our next-door neighbors. Scotty is out of the question because he has his place off-campus. I think Bones and Scotty are both relieved at not having to live with each other anymore. Bones always complains about Scotty’s late-night building sessions and Scotty complains about Bones’ habit of loudly making food at four in the morning when he gets off a shift.”

“What did your dad say?” 

“Okay, in my defense, I did not state my case very well. Dad is also a doctor, so he worries like all the time because he thinks I’m stupidly going to eat something or touch something and die-”

“What did your dad say?” 

Jim sighed and laid his upper body across Chris’s lap in an overdramatic manner. “Dad said no.” Chris knew if he were to cross Phil, he would have to get comfortable on the couch. Maybe cuddle up with the stray cat Jim picked up a couple of months ago. Jim really had Chris and Phil wrapped around his finger, even if he didn’t know it. Chris has always detested having pets, but when Jim came home on the verge of tears with a wet, shivering kitten in his arms, he could not tell him no.

“If dad says no, then what he says goes. But, I might be able to change his mind with my devious seduction methods.” Jim quickly sat up on the couch, almost bumping his head on the PADD Chris held in his hands, and shuddered. He never wanted to think of his parents and sex in the same thought bubble. That was gross.

“Ew, okay, I didn’t need to know about that. That’s gross. Ew.” Chris rolled his eyes at his son’s antics and set aside his PADD. 

“I can convince him, but I need you to do something for me.”

“Will you tell me the ‘something’ before I make the deal?” Chris’s only response was to shake his head. “Okay, fine, convince him. Name your price.”

“Perfect. You’re going to stay in a three-room suite. So, it’s going to be you, Len, and the son of a good friend of mine. She was also your parents’ friend.”

“Okay, so Bones and I have to room with the guy. Where’s he from? Seattle? Phoenix? New York?”

“Vulcan.” The last time Chris and Phil had seen Spock was during an ambassadorial banquet Starfleet hosted during negotiations for the latest Klingon peace treaty for uncharted sectors six years ago. 

“Vulcan? Oh, shit. That’s a ways away. That’s cool, I’m down to room with him. Is he hot?”

“Jim! Befriend him, he’s not a conquest. He’s coming to Starfleet because he turned down the Vulcan Science Academy, at least, that’s what Amanda said. So, I expect you and Bones to show him around, make him feel welcome.” It’s a win/win situation. Jim would get to live on campus, and he’d have a new person to socialize with. 

“Deal.”

…

Phil looked through the dorm’s cupboards and the fridge for the third time. “We brought everything, right? Have we forgotten anything? Jim, did you grab the allergy hypos that were in the medicine cabinet?” 

“Honey, for the third time, we have not forgotten anything. We already put the allergy hypos in the top drawer of Jim’s dresser, and we showed Len where they are. Let’s let the boys unpack and move in on their own. It’s not like we live fifteen minutes away or anything.” 

“Dad, it’s fine. I have everything. We triple-checked before we left. Now yes, please, let us finish moving in, I have to get ready for my first classes tomorrow.” Jim had tested out of a lot of classes because of his bachelor’s degree, which helped his academic advisor organize everything that was left to do in Jim’s three-year goal.

“Okay, we’ll go after Spock gets here. I can’t wait to see him. It’s been so long since Spock has come along with Sarek for an assignment on Earth.”

**…**

Spock opened the door and held up a ta’al. “Greetings, Captain Pike and Dr. Boyce, it is pleasing to see you both. My mother sends her salutations. My father has asked after your well being and apologizes, he has not had the time to respond to your latest comm.”

“It’s really good to see you, Spock. We’ll comm your parents after we get home, I’m sure your mother’s freaking out over you moving to Earth. Let me introduce you to our son, he’s unpacking his stuff. Jim, come here!”

“Coming!”

Spock soon saw a blonde, blue-eyed male walk out of one of the rooms, and he was instantly reminded of something his mother used to mention in the fiction tales she used to regale him with in his youth.  _ Ashaya palikauk glan _ . Love at first sight. Under the blonde’s gaze, he felt as if he was bathing in Vulcan’s sun. He quickly regained his composure and greeted the man with a ta’al. “Dif-tor heh smusma. James T. Kirk. I am pleased to make your acquaintance.”

Jim responded with his own ta’al and saw as recognition and surprise lit up in those bright, dreamy, chocolate eyes. “Sochya eh dif, Spock. It’s good to meet you too, can’t wait to show you around.” He was glad he started learning a few phrases and cultural to-do’s of different planets from Nyota. Jim couldn’t help but think of how attractive this Vulcan was. Jim was going to have a difficult time holding up his side of the deal with Chris.

…

“Hey, Bones! How was your shift at the hospital? Meet our new roomie, his name’s Spock.”

“I presume you are Dr. Leonard McCoy. Your cadet file stated you are employed at Starfleet Medical. I am pleased to make your acquaintance.” Spock held up a ta’al and Leonard stared at him for what felt like an eternity.

“Yeah, hello to you too. Are you asking me for a high-five, hobgoblin, or what?” 

“Don’t be a xenophobic asshole Bone, it’s how Vulcans say hello. Don’t mind him, Spock, he’s always grumpy when he comes home from a shift. He’ll be better whenever he wants to be.”

“I am not a xenophobic asshole, truly. Sorry, it’s nice to meet you too, Spock. Got thrown up on too many times today to be socially acceptable, so I’m gonna go shower.” Bones nodded their way, hooked his bag over his shoulder and walked into his room.

“It’s true. He’s really not, if he insults you it means he likes you.”

“A fascinating oxymoron.”

“That’s Bones for you.”


	6. I would give you an entire galaxy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anotha one. thx for sticking through this story yall. its been lemon lemon difficult getting into fictional writing again, but I'm making progress.
> 
> PRACTICE SOCIAL DISTANCING # I know u want sum chimken nuggies bro BUT they are NOT essential bro

Jim and Leonard sat in the common area outside of one of Starfleet Academy’s lecture halls as they studied for their respective exams. Considering Jim’s intuitiveness when it came to tactics and simulations, he had little to study for his Advanced Tactics class. He brought out a copy of the Great Gatsby Spock had let him borrow when he saw Spock and Nyota walking down the open hall and sitting at an outdoor bench not too far away from them.

“Does Nyota like Spock?”

“Jim, I would assume that’s pretty obvious. She’s learning his language, he’s a teacher's assistant for her Vulcan linguistics course and he’s the mentor for her study group. He’s a part of our friend group now, so yeah, I don’t doubt she likes him.”

“No, but, I mean,  _ like  _ like.”

“Oh hot damn, has the green-eyed monster awoken in you, Jim?” Bones laughed at the apparent surprise in Jim’s expression.

“No, Bones. Obviously not. Spock and I are just friends. Where would you even get that idea? The shit you come up with. Maybe you’re the one that likes him.” Jim felt himself blushing and became flustered at the mere thought of having romantic feelings for Spock. “I’m just saying, Chris, told me to show him what Earth is like and help him get used to being here at the academy. We can show him that by introducing him to romance, he and Ny like each other. They would make an awesome couple since they’re all about languages and stuff.”

“No, no, no. Bad idea, kid. I won’t be a part of this matchmaking business thing you got goin’ on. I want no part in this. All I want are regular updates of how this shit show turns out. Also, I thought you and him had something going on, you’ve hung out a lot with him since he moved in with us.” Leonard had noticed Jim’s eyes light up every time he and Spock interacted. He’s a doctor, of course he notices that Jim’s pupils dilate. He didn’t want to matchmake because he had a feeling things would work themselves out. He had come to bond with Spock over Jim’s health and lack-thereof, as odd as it was, and medical journals from the Vulcan Science Academy. A colleague and friend of Leonard’s, Geoff M’Benga had gotten him into their medical journals since they were doing medical research that he could incorporate into his time as a doctor in space. A doctor, in space, with aviophobia.

“He just needs a friend. We have a lot in common. Like books and chess. Plus, he’s been teaching me more about the Vulcan language and culture, which helps with my goal of becoming a captain. So, if someone talks shit about my crew in Vulcan, I’ll know about it and I can kick some ass.” Jim liked Spock’s company. He loved Bones, but Spock was entirely different. Spock may not give as much emotional support as Bones does but Spock stimulates his brain and his very soul. Spock makes Jim feel as if he’s something important to Spock. Someone who has the potential to be a catalyst for change. Something to be cherished. Which is weird because he does feel cherished. By Chris and Phil who call him constantly and who he sees every Sunday because Phil insists on family dinners every week. He feels cherished by Bones who he can always count on to be able to read his emotions and is able to tell Jim to get his shit together when he needs it. Who comes to family dinners and watches movies with him when he can’t get his anxiety or depression under control.

“So, you’re not doing this out of some sick form of self-punishment? Whatever you say, darlin’.”

“I’m serious Bones. I feel like a romantic relationship is exactly what Spock needs. In the right circumstances, for example, Chris and Phil, it can be fulfilling. You just wait. I know I’m right about this.”

…

“So yer telling me that a spore drive is better than the soon to be launched Enterprise? Yer outta yer damn mind, dear man!” Scotty grew red and let out an indignant huff as he took in what Spock had just stated.

“Guys, it’s lunch. Can we talk about this later?” Jim’s face was buried in his arms, muffling his voice, and looking absolutely miserable.

Leonard looked at him in amusement and looked around the table at the exasperated looks from all of their friends. “Darlin’, are you mad you got the second-highest score in the class?”

Jim finally lifted his head and glared at Leonard. “Shut up, Bones. Technically, I got the first highest score because Spock always cheats.”

“Jim, I can assure you that the usage of Vulcan eidetic memory is not what you would classify as ‘cheating.’” Leonard glanced at Spock as concern bled into the Vulcan’s tone. The poor Vulcan really thought Jim was upset with him.

“Stop being such a cry baby, Jim. I’ll give you my pudding cup if you cheer up.”

“Okay fine. I wasn’t that mad about it anyway. I proved that professor wrong with an almost perfect so he can shove his opinions of my person up his ass. Now give me that pudding cup and restart the argument gentlemen. I get to mediate this one.”

…

“What of the two men you are residing with, James and Leonard?” 

Spock had not expected his father to ask about James and Leonard. He only asked after Nyota since the first time Sarek had called his son, their call was rudely interrupted by James and Leonard's illogical fighting over the television panel remote. Although his father had not outwardly expressed it, obviously, he knew his father suffered some annoyance at his roommates’ antics. “They are well, sa-mekh. James has been introducing me to many aspects of human culture such as something called a ‘blind-date.’ I am unsure as to why the topic was introduced, yet the lesson was a fascinating insight into romantic partnerships and behavioral patterns.”

“Indeed, human romantic partnerships and their behavioral patterns are quite fascinating. Sa-fu, you may recall your ko-mekh informed you of our travels to Terra in two Terran weeks.”

“Affirmative, sa-mekh.”

“Christopher and Phillip have invited us to a gathering in their home the day after we arrive. It is our wish and Christopher’s wish for you to join us. Will your schedule allow it?”

“Affirmative, sa-mekh. I will attend the gathering at the Pike household.”

“Well then my son, dif tor heh smusma.”

“Sochya eh dif, sa-mekh.”

…

“Bones, this could be our big break.” Spock had told Jim earlier that day that Chris and Phil had extended Sunday night’s dinner to him, which meant Jim was finally going to meet Spock’s parents. Again.

“You mean _your_ big break.”

“Yeah, potato tomato. If Ny comes with us to my house on Sunday for dinner with Spock’s parents, they could see how wonderful she is. Spock would see that his parents approve of her, and he might make a move. A parents’ approval of one’s mate is really important in Vulcan culture, so it’s like we’re ahead of the game.” 

“Kid, you’re gonna kill me with this matchmaking business. Poor Spock and Nyota have to suffer your shenanigans. Have you ever considered they’re just really good friends?”

“Of course I have… not. Bones, they’re perfect for each other. They’re both smart, good-looking, awesome and stubborn personalities, serious about their career, and they get along really well.” Leonard also knew that Jim fit all of those qualities, but he didn’t want to see it himself. Jim was head over heels for the pointy-eared Vulcan but he just didn’t know it yet. “I just want Spock to be happy, Bones. I want him to have good experiences here on Earth. He gets too wrapped up in his studies, but he’s so smart that he can probably learn it in five minutes and be able to give a five-hour lecture on it. He forgets about the small details in life that make up the big picture of it. I don’t want him to miss the colorful details that make his big picture into a masterpiece.”

“Oh, Jim, you closet romantic. I can tell you right now, kid, you have good intentions, but you know what they say. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”


	7. Your happiness matters to me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the late update. two more finals left: calc and programming. unpopular opinion: PowerShell is better than Linux
> 
> PRACTICE SOCIAL DISTANCING # I know u want sum chimkin nuggies BUT they are NOT essential bro

“My little genius, how I missed you,” Phil said overdramatically as he rested his head on top of Jim’s as he squeezed the life out of him.

“Dad, you just saw me last week. When Bones and I came for dinner.” Phil let him go with a sigh and turned to greet Leonard and Spock. “Also, in front of my friends? Really? I’m supposed to be the cool one.” Leonard snorted at that and greeted Phil with a quick hug and a ‘how are you?’ While Spock held a ta’al and handed Phil the plastic container of kreyla he had made earlier for dinner. 

“Thank you so much, Spock. See Jim? What a sweetheart. Pops and Spock’s parents will be here any minute. Chris commed that their meeting had ended a while ago, so can you boys help me set the table.” All three had walked into the kitchen and started helping Phil ready their dinner. While Spock and Jim were setting the table, the front door opened and the three people they were waiting for stepped in. Chris walked straight past Jim in order to kiss Phil on the cheek and Jim let out an indignant sound. He glared at his father as he walked back towards Jim to give him a hug and a ruffle of the hair. Jim then turned to Spock’s parents and was astounded at how beautiful Spock’s mom was and how intimidating his father was.

Phil then walked into the sitting room with Chris and greeted everyone. “Amanda! Sarek! It’s so nice to see you again. I hope your shuttle from Vulcan was okay.” He gave Amanda a big hug and gave a ta’al to Sarek.

“Ambassador, Lady Amanda, Phil and I would like for you to meet my son, James. T. Kirk, and Jim and Spock’s friend, Dr. Leonard McCoy. ”

Leonard steps forward first to greet them. “Ma’am. Sir. It’s a pleasure to meet y'all. Ma’am if I must say, I can see where Spock gets his looks from.” Sarek was very close to glaring at the human for his comment. The only one allowed to romance his wife is himself.

“Dif-tor heh smusma, Ambassador Sarek and Lady Amanda, thank you for coming to our dinner. It’s really nice to meet Spock’s parents.”

“Sochya eh dif, James Kirk, I offer you my name.”

“Thank you, Sarek, I return the offer.” Amanda couldn’t help but think how well-mannered and stunning this young-man had become. Maybe he was the reason Spock was asking more questions about human courtship practices and so forth. 

Spock’s mom then stepped forward and took Jim’s hands in hers. “Oh James, look how much you’ve grown. I know you don't remember us, but my goodness, you look so much like your mother.”

Jim thought that the comment was odd. Many had judged him, especially his mother, because of how much he looked like his father. He remembered that as a kid he thought he was the cause of his mother’s pain, and he tried his very best to not upset her. He did his best at school, he helped around the farm, and as much as he wanted to, he never talked back to Frank. Even when the douche really deserved it. Sometimes, that just wasn’t enough. “Thank you, Lady Amanda.”

“Just Amanda is fine Jim.” Spock then stepped forward and his mother rushed to squish his face in her hands. “My kan-bu, you look so handsome.” Spock noted Sarek looked on at his wife in fond amusement.

"Ko-mekh, Sa-mekh, dif-tor heh smusma."

Phil then clapped his hands together, “let’s eat, the food’s going to get cold if we just stand around here.” At the invitation, they all went into the dining room to inspect the amazing vegetarian meal Phil had cooked. While Phil respected that Jim nor Chris were vegetarians, Phil made sure to include a lot of vegetables in their diet for health benefits and to help Jim gain a healthy weight. Although he had made lots of progress, Jim still had trouble with understanding that although food was needed to survive, one could also enjoy it. His determination and hyper-focusing habits also made it more difficult for him to keep a regular eating schedule. Phil was grateful that Jim had friends like Spock and Len. They helped keep Jim healthy by convincing him to take breaks for socialization and regular meals.

“Phil, the food smells delicious. You should definitely send me the recipe.” Sarek sat at one end of the table with Amanda and Spock at either of his sides, Jim sat next to Spock, and Leonard across from Jim. Chris insisted Phil sit at the head of the table and went to grab an extra chair from his study. 

“How long will you be staying on Terra? Chris hasn’t told me much about the task at hand, for good reason I assume.”

“Yes, negotiations have been rather difficult. Yet, to partake in human idioms, there seems to be a ‘light at the end of the tunnel.’ James, what track are you studying in the Academy.”

“Command track, sir. I hope to be a captain someday, maybe steal the Enterprise from my father. I also have a focus on general engineering and computer science. I just finished my bachelor’s earlier this year, and because of that, I get to take other classes than what is required of command cadets.”

“Although it is not a custom practiced on Vulcan, I shall 'wish you luck' in your endeavors. Quite admirable of you to finish in three years.” Sarek could see the appeal of this human. He noticed the beginnings of deep affection in his son’s actions. His chess games and tea with James. He approved. Spock had always had difficulty fostering relationships with his peers, most of which did not accept his mixed heritage, and so Spock had come to rely on his relationships with his parents, siblings, I-chaya, and his grandmother.

“Thank you, Sarek. Yes, well I also want to graduate with our friends because I’d be honored to serve with them. Spock especially. I'm sure, we'd make a great team.” 

…

“It was nice meeting James. I like him a lot. That McCoy certainly is a charmer.”

“Ashayam,” Sarek said in a warning tone.

“Adun, I’m only saying he’s charming.”

“Sa-fu, I wanted to inquire about your relationship with James.”

“I can assure you sa-mekh, my relationship with Jim is purely platonic. It will not distract me from my studies at the academy. I have already shown that in the few months that I have been here on Terra.”

“That’s not why we were asking, kan-bu. We know you place great importance on your studies, but do you have any amorous feelings for him? Neither of us would mind because, honey, he’s a charming man who seems to make you happy.”

“If I were to conform to your human vernacular, I suppose he does in fact make me ‘happy.’ I have not meditated on the depth of these amorous feelings, and so I cannot put into words what exactly Jim makes me feel. Yet, the fact of the matter is, he does not, nor will he, return those feelings. He assumes that my interests lie with our mutual friend, Nyota Uhura.”

…

As Spock watched his parent’s hovercar drive away, Jim came onto the porch of the Pike house and placed a hand on Spock’s shoulder. “Are you ready to go home?” All Spock could do was nod. He definitely needed to meditate. His parents were the first to hear the admittance of his feelings for Jim. His predicament on how to proceed through the friendship. They then stepped back into the house to quickly say goodbye to Chris and Phil, and the three cadets went on their way back to the dormitory. He felt Jim glance his way many times as if he was trying to figure out why Spock was being so quiet. Jim would soon ask Spock about it. If something or someone was bothering Spock, he had to find out what it was.


	8. Your happiness matters to me, too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short and sweet but to the point. 
> 
> PRACTICE SOCIAL DISTANCING. # i know u want sum chimkin nuggies BUT they are NOT essential bro

“Why can’t you just tell me what the project is?” Jim was laid on Spock’s bed as Spock sat at his desk with a PADD in his hand. He was about to start meditating when Jim burst into the room and started to tell (more like complain) about his professor from his class on software security in the twenty-third century. As was the norm for that professor, he brought in his bigoted and controversial ideas into class, when it did not pertain to whatever they were learning.

“It is classified, Jim. I am bound by the admiral’s non-disclosure agreement. As a command track cadet, you will encounter it in your third year.”

“You’re both science and command track, in three clubs, TA for two classes, your personal research project, and you have this project? You really are keeping that Vulcan brain of yours busy. C’mon Spock, I won’t tell anyone about it. Maybe I can even help you with it.” Jim laughed as Spock raised his eyebrow and crossed his arms. “Don’t look at me like that, Spock, tell me. I’m your best friend. Best friends don’t keep secrets from each other.” 

“That is a lie. You withheld information from me about what Leonard had done to my tea. He replaced it with cardamom, which you in fact do know is not one of my preferences.” Jim chuckled at the memory of Spock turning a bit green at his sip of tea one Sunday morning during a chess match.

“Okay, in my defense, you should’ve seen your face, it was priceless. Bones was just getting back at you for telling Carol he thought she had an ‘ample posterior.’ This project is different though.”

“McCoy did in fact make that comment. It was only prudent that I, as Carol’s peer and colleague, and McCoy’s friend that I inform her. Also, this project of mine is not important.”

“If it’s not important, then you wouldn’t have any problem telling me. Why don’t you want to tell me?”

“We have already discussed the goal of the project and what it entails. If you do not remember, the fault lies within yourself.” At that, Jim sat up quickly and looked at Spock in shock.

“You bastard. You’re working on the renovation of the Kobayashi Maru. We joked about it. It was just a rumor. I can’t believe you’re taking on that project. After everything we talked about, you’re working on that stupid pile of code.” James shook his head in disbelief as he remembered the anger he felt as he heard Spock agree that the Kobayashi Maru was to help cadets get used to failure. He got up from Spock’s bed and started to pace around the room.

“James, my decision to participate in the Kobayashi Maru’s renovation has nothing to do with our discussion.”

“No, Spock, you’re wrong, it has everything to do with our fight. I told you how insane and idiotic that simulation was. As many facts as you pulled out of your ass, it still did not change the fact that it misrepresented  _ everything  _ a captain should be. A captain should not just accept failure when he knows his crew’s life is at stake.” He knew Spock didn’t have a clue of his time on Tarsus, but he couldn’t help but fault Spock on his lack of perspective. He didn’t know what it was like to risk your life and your sanity for those who were under your care. The things he did to keep himself and his kids alive had left an emptiness in his soul that could never be fixed.

“I underst-”

“No you don’t! You never will! No matter how much we argue about it, you will never understand that there are no such things as no-win scenarios.” Jim sighed, then said, “I need to go. I can’t even stand to look at you right now.”

“Jim, please, do not leave. I assure you, it was not my intention to upset you. Every captain will have to face defeat at least once in their career. The Kobayashi Maru’s purpose is to allow command cadets to experience the fear of loss and error. I understand that the Kobayashi Maru was based on your biological father’s situation on the Kelvin and it instigates many emotions.”

“It’s not just that, Spock. Fuck, I can’t believe you.” Jim didn’t think he could hear any more words that came out of Spock’s mouth. He walked out of Spock’s room, Spock hot on his tail as Jim walked into his own room and picked up his leather jacket, keys, and wallet. “I’m leaving. I can’t deal with this right now. Do  _ not  _ follow me. I mean it, Spock.” With that, Jim left Spock standing in the middle of the room with a lost look on his face and walked out of their dorm. All thoughts of a peaceful Friday night spent with Jim in their dorm and watching holos, dissipated into a flurry of remorse and guilt from his actions.

He did the only thing that would come to mind. He grabbed his comm, and tried to sound calm and collected as the person picked up the phone. “James left.”


	9. Fork in the road when I want to spoon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WAIT A SEC... before you read... TW: attempted sexual assault, non-con drug use
> 
> this is a HEAVY chapter. I had to get a lot off my chest so it turned into this, so READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION. also, when u get to that part, i am not slut-shaming, this is not what's happening here so don't get it twisted.
> 
> PRACTICE SOCIAL DISTANCING # i kno u want sum chimkin nuggies BUT they are NOT essential bro

If he was honest, Jim hated the taste of alcohol. It might be the trauma talking, but he also hated not being able to think clearly. If he wanted to feel like shit, he could just eat or drink something he was allergic to. As much as the rumors stated he was a party animal, he would much rather stay home with Bones and Spock or his dads. Yet, here he was in a dingy bar, who knows how many miles from campus? He wasn’t paying attention to where he was going when he walked out of the dorm.

He knew the self-loathing feelings weren’t a great use of his time. But if therapy taught him anything, it was to feel whatever you were feeling because bottling it up wasn’t going to help. Did he still tend to bottle up his stress? Yes. Did he bottle up and deny his jealousy and overall angst when it came to Spock? Yes, but that’s because his emotions for Spock are his own burden to carry. Bones wouldn’t want to deal with his teenage angst, and he’s pretty sure his dads had better stuff to do. He also didn’t want Spock to accidentally figure it out by the emotions on his face. It was easier for him and everyone else if he just avoided the feelings Spock ignited in him because then he wouldn’t have to see Spock’s ultimate face of rejection as he told Jim how illogical his feelings were. He wouldn’t have to see Spock packing up his things and moving out of the dorm. An empty chair during their friend group study sessions. An empty chair at their usual lunch table. An empty place beside him on the couch. 

A drink was placed in front of him, and he downed it. It tasted weird, but all alcohol tasted weird to him. “Jimmy boy. Haven’t seen you around much lately.” Jim immediately cringed at the sound of that voice. Gary Mitchell. That son of a bitch. Jim decided not to turn around. Maybe if he ignored Gary, he would go away. “C’mon Jimmy, friends don’t ignore each other.”

At that, Jim swiveled in his chair to face Gary, an action that made him feel nauseous and dizzy. He quickly got a hold of himself and retaliated with, “We are not friends Gary. We never were and we never will be. You lying sack of shit. Now leave me the hell alone or I swear I will punch you.”

Gary tsked and said, “Jimmy such foul language. I’m pretty sure I don’t deserve that. Last I remember, we were very, very close friends.”

“Not anymore Gary. You told me you wanted to date me then proceeded to try to fuck Gaila because you’re a bigot who thinks all Orions are sluts. Do you know who the slut is Gary? You. Forget this, I don’t need to stay here for this.” Jim jumped off the stool he was sitting on and suddenly the world fell sideways. Jim didn’t know what was happening. Maybe he was reacting to something that was in the drink he ordered. 

“You look a little green, Jimmy. Are you okay?” Gary stepped forwards and grabbed Jim’s biceps. Jim tried to push Gary’s arms away but all he could do was flail his arms. “Maybe, we should get you home.” Gary then put his arm around Jim’s shoulders and started guiding him to the exit of the bar. He leaned close to Jim’s ear and whispered, “who knows how you’ll react to the roofie I put in your drink? Pliant Jim is way better than Jim who acts like he has a stick up his ass. Wouldn’t you think? Pliant Jim will let me do anything I want to him. Pliant Jim won’t complain or try to fight back. Isn’t that right Jimmy?” After walking out of the bar they took a sharp left into a tight alley. Gary finally took the opportunity to grope Jim’s front and find the button on his jeans. He unbuttoned Jim’s jeans and reached back to grope Jim’s ass. “That sweet, sweet ass is mine, right Jim? You care about me. You wouldn’t leave me hanging.” All Jim could do was try to fight back and try to yell but he was only able to grunt and weakly slap Gary’s arms. His eyes teared at the painful gropes and pulls. Flashbacks soon started coming back to him. He felt Kodos’s watchful eyes. The guards’ hands. The gag. The rope. Then everything just stopped.

He didn’t feel himself fall. He didn’t feel Chris hold him to his chest and button Jim’s jeans for him. He didn’t feel Chris’s tears fall on his face as Chris held him. He didn’t hear Chris call Starfleet Medical for an emergency beam.

…

He woke to the sound of beeping. He tried to open his eyes but they felt like they were glued shut. His head was throbbing and his back seemed to hurt.

“Jim? Kiddo? Are you okay? Can you open your eyes for me?” He fluttered his eyes open and saw Phil’s tear-filled eyes and relieved expression. “Kiddo, do you want some water?” Jim nodded his head and watched as Phil went to a corner of the med-room he was in to get a glass of water. Chris then walked in with a comm unit to his ear and was about to ask Phil a question when Phil interrupted him, “he’s awake.” Chris immediately looked at Jim and let the communicator fall to the ground. He rushed to the biobed and grabbed Jim’s shoulders as tears started falling down his haggard face.

“Phil, can you go get Len and Spock, please? Jimmy, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t get there in time. I didn’t know Gary was still around. I’m so sorry, son.” All Jim could do to stop his father from blaming himself was cradle his father’s face in his hands and wipe off the tears.

Jim cleared his throat and croaked, “it’s okay Pops. I know. Thank you.” He looked up as his dad, Bones, and Spock rushed into the room. While everyone crowded his bed, Spock stayed in the back of the room, his eyes focused on anything but Jim. “I’m okay, guys. Could you give me a minute with Spock?” Phil looked back and was surprised at the emotion on Spock’s face. The usual stoic Vulcan looked guilty and sad.

“Just a minute. Your doctor is going to update us in a bit now that you’re awake, but he said earlier that you would be able to come home tonight.” At that, all three walked out of the room leaving Spock and Jim alone.

“Spock, come here. It’s uncomfortable having to talk to you from so far away.” Spock finally looked at Jim and stepped closer. “I just wanted to say, I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry, Jim? It is I who should be apologizing. I disregarded our friendship and your perspective as my peer.”

“Yeah, but I shouldn’t have walked out. We should’ve talked about it. Plus, if I had calmed down and not walked out on you, I wouldn’t be here right now.”

“The fault does not and never will lie with you. Never say that again. It is the fault of your aggressor. Who I still have yet to know the identity of.”

“Remember the ex-something I told you about. The guy I had met when I first met Bones?”

“Yes, Gary Mitchell, was it not? Your father explained that your aggressor was someone you were acquainted with, I did not know who. He also explained that he stunned your aggressor in order to save you.”

“Wait, what? He stunned G- him? He didn’t mention that.” Jim then looked down at his lap, and said in a very quiet voice, “I really am sorry, Spock. I shouldn’t have walked out.”

“I disrespected you and our friendship. It was understandable that you left. That is why I have asked the admirals to allow the Kobayashi Maru renovations to be undertaken by you and I. They have accepted. I understand now. ”

“No, Spock, you don’t because I’ve been keeping something from you.”

“Jim, whatever it is, it may wait until you have completely recovered. It is imperative that you-”

“No, I need to tell you. Friends don’t keep secrets from each other, right?” Jim chuckled sadly and took a deep breath. “I haven’t told you, because we had barely become friends and I didn’t want to drown you in pesky human emotions. Bones doesn’t know the whole story. The only ones who know are my dads and the admiralty, obviously. I told Chris and Phil myself a few months after starting therapy. My therapist recommended I open up to my loved ones because it would help my emotional balance and all that jazz. Okay. I was…” Jim trailed off, anxiety getting the best of him.

“Jim, you do not have to tell me if you are not comfortable doing so.”

“Don’t tell me that, then I’ll back out like a coward. Even though I’ve wanted to tell you since a few months into our friendship because I trust you.” Jim took a deep breath and steeled his nerves. “I was on Tarsus Four.” He waited for a response but found he wasn’t given one. He looked up to find Spock’s emotions clear on his face. Complete admiration and shock. 

“James. I thank you for your friendship and your trust in me. You are one of the most admirable, human humans I have met. I am grateful that our paths have intertwined. You are an ambitious, driven, compassionate being who despite all that he has been through continues to be all of these things and more. I admire you James Kirk, and I am honored to be your friend.” After Spock was done with his emotional monologue, Jim threw himself at Spock and latched his arms around Spock’s shoulders. Spock was stiff at first, but then remembered the hugs his mother had given him throughout his life then wrapped his arms around Jim’s torso.


	10. Lending a hand to those you love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mental health struggles
> 
> A continuation of the last chapter, still kind of heavy so beware. alsooooo, im so super sorry this took so long! finally done with finals so I'll post a lil more :)
> 
> PRACTICE SOCIAL DISTANCING #i kno u want sum chimkin nuggies BUT they are NOT essential bro

The passing weeks were difficult. Authorities came to take statements. Admirals came to inquire about what had happened. Chris and Phil hadn’t left his side. Spock and Bones hadn’t either. Amanda and Sarek called as soon as Spock told them what occurred. Sticking to his eating schedule became more difficult. Coursework became unimportant as his professors emailed their concerns and well wishes. Acquaintances becoming insignificant because he couldn’t keep up the cool, nonchalant facade during their interactions when they asked if he was okay.

It was about a month and a half later that a vibe check came in the form of none other than Leonard McCoy. Jim had been in his room for the first half of the day ignoring his parents and Spock’s messages. McCoy had come from working a 12-hour shift and was bombarded with messages from Chris, Phil, and even Spock, about Jim’s lethargic and unresponsive attitude after having a progressive week of semi-regularly eating and socializing. He rushed to the Pike household and knocked loudly on the door. As soon as Phil opened the door, McCoy stalked in, not even bothering to say hello, and bounded up the steps towards Jim’s room. He slammed open the door and immediately went to rip the blankets off of Jim’s body.

“Get up.”

“Bones, what are you doing? Stop!” Jim tried to wrestle back the covers from Leonard but to no avail. He lay on his bed staring up at Leonard with a frustrated expression and Leonard was about ready to smack the boy.

“No. Get your ass up and get downstairs. You are going to eat something and then you’re going to shower. You are going to stop ignoring your parents, text Spock back, and we are going to go to the park, take a walk, and you are going to talk. This has been eating at you for almost two months and I can’t take it anymore. I need my best friend back. You won’t talk to anybody, so you will bet your ass you will talk to me. Spock. Or Gaila. Or somebody.” He then walked out of the room and went downstairs to make what had become Jim’s favorite comfort food. Eggs and chocolate crepes. Soon enough, Jim stumbled down the stairs and sat at the dinner table. Phil trailed into the kitchen, handed Leonard Jim’s comm unit and Leonard motioned for him to keep his distance and return to the sitting room. Leonard then sat the plate of food in front of Jim and watched him eat every bite.

He then handed the comm unit to Jim and said, “now text your Vulcan. He’s been complaining that you haven’t texted him back.” 

“He’s not my Vulcan,” Jim said petulantly. He took the comm from Leonard and immediately went to Spock's contact and read all of the messages he had sent him, and compiled a message telling him that he was fine and that he would talk to him later. 

“Now that that’s done. Go get dressed. We’re going out.”

…

Jim kept close to Leonard’s side as they walked through the Golden Gate Park. He eyed every person that passed by him and flinched when Leonard tried to take a hold of his arm. “Hey darlin’, you’re fine. Grab onto my arm, and we’ll go nice and steady. Just getting you out of the house was progress. I know you’re a fighter.” Jim’s crystal blue eyes had tears in them as he gave his best friend a grateful gaze and wrapped his hand around Leonard’s elbow. They walked until they found a shaded, empty bench. Jim didn’t let go of Leonard’s elbow as they sat down on the bench and sat in silence. “Bitch to me. Let it all out.”

After a few minutes of silence, Jim rasped out, “I hated it, Len. I hated every single second of it. I still feel his hands on me even when I scrub my skin so hard that it’s red. Is it my fault? Did I put myself into that situation? Could I have done something different so we would’ve never made it to that alley? Could it have gone differently if someone had just asked if it was okay? If I was okay? Why did he do that? Why did he ignore all the signs of me not wanting it? Am I more of a burden than Chris and Phil had planned for?” Jim let out a sob as he finished his heartbreaking monologue. “Sometimes, I can’t even feel my own hands on myself without thinking that they’re his. That they’re someone else’s who’s going to hurt me like he did.”

“Darlin’, I’m not trying to invalidate whatever you’re feeling but I can tell you right now in this second, it was never your fault, it was his, and you are not a burden. Not to your parents. Not to me. Not to Spock. Your parents just thought you didn’t trust them enough to tell them what you were feeling without it feeling like they were being overbearing.” Leonard thought back to the frantic messages from both Chris and Phil. They thought Jim was on the verge of a relapse in terms of his anxiety and eating disorder. “Tell me what else is on your mind. I can see that’s not all of it.”

“Am I damaged goods? There’s something broken inside of me now that I can’t fix.”

“Jim, no, honey, don’t think like that. A little dented but not broken. We all have something that has changed us. But we cannot let that define us. It’s truly difficult at first. You may have people helping you. You may not. You just have to find strength in yourself and the things you enjoy and love. It takes time. It’s not rainbows and sunshine and then magically one day, you’re okay. It’s ups and downs and zig zags and twirls. But you have all of us to help you in whatever ways you want us to. But we can’t help you if you don’t want to help yourself.”

…

Jim stayed home for the rest of the semester. The admiralty understood because of extenuating circumstances. Gary Mitchell was sent to prison five states away and was expelled. Jim returned to the academy for the fall after long and arduous months of juggling his schoolwork, therapy, and finding comfort in his family and friends. Chris, Phil, and Jim had continued Sunday dinners but now had more people at the table since the entire friend group came along as well. It soon turned into Potluck Sunday since Scotty and Sulu decided they wanted everyone to try some of their family recipes. Jim and Spock continued on their work for the admiralty on the Kobayashi Maru renovations and their chess nights. Their friend group had continued their study sessions and dinner/movie nights, mostly at the Pike household, sometimes at Jim and Leonard’s dorm. After these months of progress, he became a new person. Still the lively, quirky Jim from before the incident but with a more mature and disciplined aspect to his personality.


	11. Let me stand by you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oop, it's getting spicyyyyy
> 
> PRACTICE SOCIAL DISTANCING # i kno u want sum chimkin nuggies BUT they are NOT essential bro

**San Francisco, California, 2255**

“Damn, we look handsome. I swear, in another life, we could’ve been models. We could’ve made good money off of your chiseled face and my ass.”

“Then it is fortunate that we are highly trained Starfleet cadets.”

“And by ‘highly trained,’ you mean fucking awesome geniuses. I mean c’mon, we’re getting our commendations for original thinking today and then next week, we’re all graduating. Your parents are coming, right? I miss Amanda’s cooking and chess games with your dad.”

“Per my mother’s last communication regarding their travels, I do believe they will be here for the graduation ceremony. She has also requested that your fathers send any images taken for today’s commendation ceremony.”

“Pretty sure Phil is gonna take a picture album’s worth of pictures just for today. I’ll send her the ones we took before we left the house. It’s a bummer they couldn’t come. Your mom was real sad about it on the phone.”

“My father had ambassadorial duties to attend to.”

“I know that. I just wish they were here, too.”

“Alright you nimrods, get out of the car. You don’t want to be late for your own event.”

“You know, Bones? You could be a little bit nicer considering this is mine and Spock’s big day.”

“Fix your grammar, and then I’ll consider being nice.”

Soon, all cadets, professors, and family, were seated in the auditorium facing the line of admirals. Jim and Spock stood in front of all cadets while Admiral Barnett described the dedication and consistent adaptability of the two cadets they were honoring that day. Throughout the ceremony, Jim glanced at Spock, who was the poster-boy of Vulcan culture and poise and shot him lip-splitting grins because of how happy he was. He couldn’t believe that Spock had stuck with him through all these years and were now taking their steps into the future, hand-in-hand. Well, not literally hand-in-hand. If Jim had known about the hand stuff, then the Great Debacle of 2253 wouldn’t have happened. Who knew he would get in trouble for pulling Spock along by his hand while they were running for their lives during a simulation? The silent treatment Spock gave him for a week sure did teach him to be careful with the touchy-feely stuff. He didn’t think he’d ever seen a Vulcan blush, but now he could confirm that it was the most adorable thing he’d ever seen.

“Cadet S’Chn T’Gai Spock, please step forward.” Spock gracefully took a step forward and stood there as Admiral Barnett attached the pin to his cadet reds. He nodded as Barnett said a quick congratulations then stepped back next to Jim.

“Cadet James Tiberius Kirk, please step forward.” He stepped forward and Barnett began to pin the badge to his cadet reds.

“Your father would have been very proud of you, Kirk,” Barnett said quietly.

At that, Jim looked behind him and found Chris and Phil in the crowd. He then smiled and said to Barnett, “They are sir.” He stepped back next to Spock, and they both about-faced to show off their pins to the crowd. The crowd stood up in applause to congratulate Jim and Spock on their accomplishments. Shockingly, they saw Amanda and Sarek among those in the crowd. Jim smiled and nodded to them, wondering if they wanted to surprise Spock or they really didn’t plan on making it.

But the applause didn’t last. Soon enough a flushed cadet came running into the auditorium creaming about a crash in the courtyard. “There’s been a crash! Some type of starship! West courtyard!” Jim and Spock looked at each other then at a flabbergasted Barnett. The admirals soon calmed everyone down and urged everyone to remain where they were. Barnett asked Jim and Spock to follow him as they and a handful of other highly-trained cadets and admirals followed behind and called security. As they came near the crash site, it was clear that the alarm was necessary. They saw an injured, older Vulcan coming out from the ship and stumbling onto the grass. When they reached him, the Vulcan was in the process of standing up on his own. There was a large gash on one side of his face and what seemed like a phaser burn on his left arm.

“Stay where you are,” Admiral Nogura commanded. “Tell us your name and who you are affiliated with.”

The Vulcan elder watched the admirals, and only said, “I wish to speak with James T. Kirk and S’Chn T’Gai Spock. I will speak to them and to them only.”


	12. Time travel? It's more likely than you think!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the plot THICCens
> 
> PRACTICE SOCIAL DISTANCING # i kno u want sum chimkin nuggies BUT they are NOT essential bro

He’d only been to the Vulcan Embassy a handful of times. This was mostly when Amanda and Sarek would come to visit or he had to attend an ambassadorial gala with Chris and Phil. Sometimes he brought Spock along to keep him entertained during those snoozefest galas where the older women would always try to make him dance with them. Now sitting in the warm conference room, he’d rather be dancing with one of those ladies with the grabby hands. He wanted to be as far away from this batshit crazy Vulcan as he could.

“What you speak of is a temporal anomaly. A technological impossibility.”

“Young one, I bear no ill will. I have spoken the truth. I am indeed from an alternate timeline. My starship is equipped to handle astrophysical anomalies that you would refer to as ‘black holes.’ I intend to save as many lives as I can with the information I have gathered.”

“Okay, okay, let’s start at the beginning, Pointy. Who are you? What’s your name and how do you know Spock and me?”

“My name is Selek, young one. You both are fortunate to have found each other so young. I can see the bond between you is stronger than any I have seen and felt.” The old Vulcan stared into Jim’s eyes. Jim couldn’t help but think of how expressive those brown eyes were and how familiar they seemed to be. Then everything fell into place as he remembered all the times he spent drowning in his own love for those eyes. The eyes that made him love Spock all the more.

“Elder. Do not speak of such things. You know nothing about us.”

“No, Spock. I think he does. Your name isn’t Selek. Tell us the truth.”

“Your intuitiveness has always been one of your most valuable qualities, Jim.” The elder then faced Spock and said, “S’Chn T’Gai Spock, cha Sarek, of the House of Surak.” Jim chuckled as he saw young Spock’s eyebrow climb until it disappeared under his fringe. 

“I fucking knew it. Okay, so now that we know who you are, can you tell us about all of the information you claim to have that would save millions of Vulcans?”

Old Spock kept his gaze on young Spock as he said, “yes, Jim. It would be easier to communicate the information to you by utilizing a mind meld, if my younger self would allow it.”

“What do you mean ‘if he allows it?’ I all-”

“I will allow it. Seeing as a logical conclusion of a mind meld with myself would create unbalance and painful feedback between our minds. I shall wait in the hallway.” 

…

“Spock, it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t your fault that Romulus is no more in that timeline. Nero won’t stand a chance against us. If everything does go as planned, meaning he comes to this timeline in 2258, that means we have three years to prepare for his arrival.” Jim’s hopeful, red-rimmed eyes made Spock’s heart ache. He regretted making Jim cry because of his emotional compromise during their shared mind meld. The color of this Jim’s eyes reminded him of a supernova. They were so vastly different from his Jim’s honey-colored eyes but still so very much the same.

“You are correct, Jim. Logic dictated I risk my life to come to this timeline and warn you all.”

“Wuh bolau t'wuh wehk spunsau wuh bolau t'wuh zamu.” Jim’s heart broke from feeling Old Spock’s pain and guilt. He also felt longing coming from Spock during the mind meld but didn’t understand why.

“There is a definite pleasurable experience connected with hearing you speak my native tongue, Jim. You are also correct. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. We must contact T’Pau and the rest of the Vulcan High Council, then arrange a meeting with Starfleet headquarters.” They both rose from the conference table and went to step out of the hallway in order to face the admiralty and let them know what was going on.

“Hey, before we go, I need to ask you something. You don’t have to answer, because I mean, you’re going through enough pain as it is. I don’t want to make it worse-”

“You may ask me anything, Jim. I must heed the warning that I shall not relay any information that may be detrimental to your personal journeys in this timeline.”

“I don’t think it’d be detrimental. I guess it depends on the answer. Who or what are you longing for? I saw a guy, from the memories that bled through from your mind. There were a lot of good feelings attached to him.”

“He was my bondmate. He was the single most important thing in my life. He is and always shall be my t’hy’la.”

“Oh, hey, I know that word. Spock and I went over that when we were reading Vulcan, pre-reform poetry like a month ago. I loved the idea because it seemed so romantic for Vulcans.” He chuckled to himself at the thought that came to mind of Spock with long hair and a leather tunic in the middle of the Vulcan desert. “So that guy was basically your soulmate?”

“Indeed, Jim.”

“I’m sorry you have to live without him. That must really suck. I can’t imagine what it would be like if I lost my t'hy'la. Not that I would have one. I'm human.”

“The chances of you having a t’hy’la are greater than you may think, James. I have a question in return. I understand in this universe, your father, George Kirk, perished on the day of your birth. Why did you not ask me of him?”

“What good would it do? He’s a big part of my life, sure, but he’s not in my future, he’s from my past. Maybe things would be different if he was alive, but they aren't. I have Chris and Phil, my two dads who were basically the first people in my life who showed me stability and love. I’m happy with them as my parents and that’s something I would never want to change.”


	13. Preparation is key

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> swiggity swoogity - spock is kinda snooty
> 
> i know some states are ending their quarantine, but PLEASE stay safe! PRACTICE SOCIAL DISTANCING # i know u want sum chimkin nuggies BUT they are NOT essential bro

**2255**

“Obviously, you’re all coming on the Enterprise with me, you already received your assignments. The Admiralty agreed because of future extenuating circumstances since we don’t know when these crazy Romulans are coming and because I’m the only one who can wrangle all you brats.” There were multiple exclamations of affront and disagreement. “Quit your groaning. Now report to the commanding officers of your respective departments. Lieutenants Spock and Kirk, stay back.” The gang filed out of the room. Ensign Sulu went to the botany lab to check on his collection of plants. Ensign Nyota went to report to the Chief Communications Officer. Lieutenant Scott reported to the Chief Engineer. McCoy reported to Phil, who was the Chief Medical Officer for the Enterprise’s maiden voyage. While Ensign Chekov reported to the quartermaster to get a smaller uniform. 

Jim and Spock stayed seated at the conference room table and waited patiently for Chris to continue his boring lectures. “First off, your responsibilities for the coming 2 years are reporting to Sarek and T’Pau as they see fit. I’m pretty sure both of you know what that entails after the last meeting with the Vulcan High Council, the admiralty, and all the ‘fleet captains. Second, Jim, stop referring to older Spock as Spock Prime, you know T’Pau wants his identity secret, even if he’s obviously her favorite grandson. You know his given name, which is Selek. Third, your voyages to Vulcan to check on progress made on armory and strategizing evac plans and else have been extended to every six months, instead of three months. We need you here on the Enterprise while none of the action has actually started yet. Both of you will be on Alpha shift with me and Number One, so I’ll be training you both in command, while you both still work in your respective departments. So, Spock, obviously the science department, and Jim, to the security department for tactics and defense. Any questions?”

“Yeah, I have one, Pops-”

“Nope, it’s Captain here.”

“Okay, Captain Dad, how did you get all of us on the Enterprise? I know the USS Farragut wanted Sulu and Scotty. Smells like nepotism to me.”

“You call it nepotism, I call it carefully crafting my crew.”


	14. It's not a matter of pride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cool cool cool cool cool cool cool
> 
> so all of these time jumps together were suuuper long so i cut em up. enjoy!
> 
> PRACTICE SOCIAL DISTANCING!

**2256**

“Jim, we should return.”

“Spock, don’t be a spoilsport, I’m fine. I can handle a little bit of heat. Plus, I want to see where rebellious Spock would sneak out to go to meditate. It’ll be the only fun thing we’ve done since we started these trips every six months. I mean, this is our third one and we haven’t even gone to the ShiKahr Interplanetary Market!”

“Jim, it is almost nightfall, you know that the probability of us encountering a le-matya is greater at this time of day. We should return to my parents’ villa at once.”

“You’ve trained me in Suus Manha, I think I can handle myself. I even bested you a couple of times the last time we sparred in the training room on the Enterprise. Nothing’s gonna happen.”

…

Spock could not think. He could not breathe. He could not feel the hot wind hitting his face as he ran towards his parents’ home. All he could feel was panic and the weight of an unconscious Jim in his arms. All he cared about was getting Jim immediate medical care.

“Ko-mekh, Sa-mekh, please help him!” He had hoped they heard him as he ran towards the villa. He kept yelling until he saw Sarek open the front door with a worried Amanda at his side. They saw Jim in Spock’s arms and Amanda immediately went to call the family’s physician. As Spock got closer to the villa, Sarek saw the state of his son. There seemed to be blood seeping from a wound in his left leg and a large gash in his forehead. Sarek took Jim from Spock’s arms and let him into the house. They then deposited Jim onto the sofá in the sitting room and waited until medical help came. 

…

“It is your own fault you have lacerations on multiple areas of your person, and that you sustained a cranial injury. I did not ask you to put yourself in danger when we encountered the le-matya.”

“I had to keep you safe!” 

“I did not ask that of you!”

Jim really thought that when he woke up he would be peppered with kisses and gratitude, but here they were. Spock being a prideful bastard when Jim only wanted to help.

“I get it. You’re the big, strong Vulcan. I’m sorry I hurt your pride. Are we good now?”

“You assume this argument pertains to my pride?”

“Well, yeah, what else would it be?” Spock could feel the little self-control he had diminishing as he kept replaying what Jim had said in his head. How could Jim not see?

“I cannot believe you. You unobservant, pig-headed imbecile.”

“Ouch, Spock, tell me how you really feel.”

“No, you will silence yourself and listen to me, James Kirk. I knew you to be oblivious, but never cruel. It is cruel that you would assume my concern for your well-being stems from pridefulness. It is cruel that you undermine my feelings towards you in such a manner.”

“Yeah, well I don’t get why you’re so mad at me. I saved your fucking life.”

“I did not ask you to! Do you not understand?”

“Okay, yeah, I do kind of understand. I’m sorry I put myself in danger to help you. I know you are more than capable when it comes to defending yourself. You’re protective of your friends and I admire that.”

“James T. Kirk, I cherish thee.”

“I cherish you too, Spock. You’re my best friend.”

“No, Jim. I _cherish_ thee.” Spock looked at Jim expectantly for any reaction or affirmation. Spock had already known of Jim’s amorous feelings after an incident during a diplomatic mission which left Captain Pike in an induced coma. Spock had offered Jim comfort by awkwardly and stiffly embracing him when he found Jim stowed away in the observation deck. As a testament to how distraught Jim was, he completely forgot about limiting skin-to-skin contact with Spock and placed his face in the crook of Spock’s neck and kept a hand cradled to the back of Spock’s neck as sobs wracked his body. As terrifying as the situation with the Captain was, Spock could not help but be thankful for how ethereal that moment in the observation deck under the stars was. He found out of Jim’s feelings in a place that brought them both comfort and hope for the things they would like to discover.

“Wait. Like, cherish, cherish? Like ‘I cherish thee.’ Oh my god, I love you too, Spock.” Jim never thought those words would come out of his mouth. He had resigned to being Spock’s friend for the rest of his life. “I love you, Spock.”


	15. Jump in time with my hand in yours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we'll get to ST(2009) soon. in the meantime, enjoy!
> 
> PRACTICE SOCIAL DISTANCING PLEASE!

**2257**

“You guys have been together for two months and you tell us now? Jim, seriously?”

“Why is it just  _ my  _ fault?”

“Well, actually honey, I knew. So did Leonard.” Phil knew how overprotective Chris had gotten over Jim's romantic relationships after the incident with Gary. Chris was worried that Jim would trust someone who didn't deserve it and Chris wouldn't be able to save him from getting hurt again.

“Chris, I did want to tell you from the beginning. You know I’d never hide anything like that from you.”

“Bones, stop kissing ass.”

“So, in reality, I’m the dumbass in the dark? Well, in that case, congrats, we- I’m sorry,  _ I’ve _ been waiting for this. I’m glad to know it finally happened. Spock, do I need to give you the shovel talk?”

“I must admit, I am confused, sir. Why is it necessary to lecture me on an agricultural tool?”

“Oh, you don’t know what that is? Come by the captain's quarters after shift and I’ll show you.”

“Dad, come on, leave Spock alone. He wouldn’t hurt me. Plus, Bones and Phil gave him that talk when they first found out. All’s well that ends well.”

…

Jim laid on Spock’s chest. Left hand on the Vulcan’s side to feel the heartbeat that Jim had the privilege of falling asleep to every night. “This is our second-to-last trip for preparations. Are you ready?”

“Yes. I feel a sense of trepidation through our touch at this topic. Are you feeling alright?”

“I’m good, it’s just that, I’m scared. What if in between all the scenarios we’ve planned for, there’s this big thing we didn’t plan for that creates a bunch of problems and we fail? I guess the reality of the situation keeps astounding me. This isn’t about planning for away teams or diplomatic missions. We’re talking about the annihilation of a race. A culture. A future.”

“James, all will be well. We will always find a way to keep moving forward.”

… 

“Hot damn, this has been on my must-have list for like forever. I can’t believe you found a hardcover copy! I could just marry you!” Jim’s eyes shined as he held a copy of  _ A Tale of Two Cities _ to his chest.

“We had previously discussed your affinity for finding a copy of the narrative, and so I obtained it for you. I cherish you, James.” Little did Jim know, Spock would’ve never found it if it hadn’t been for one of Phil’s weird friends who collects old stuff to sell to dignitaries and ambassadors.

“Aw, honey, I know. You don’t have to get me a rare book to show me that. I love you, too, my sexy Vulcan.”

“James, were you truthful when you said that you desired to marry me?”

“I mean, I hope one day if you feel like you want to then we could. Maybe you don’t want to be stuck with me for the rest of my days? Who knows?”

“Ashayam, I would hope to one day have the title of your husband and bondmate, if you would allow me. That is why I talked with your fathers. I have explained my intentions as our relationship progresses, and they have granted me permission to inquire as to your desire to become my mate. So will you, James Tiberius Kirk, become my bondmate, my husband, he who I shall cherish for the rest of my days?”

“Oh my god. You just proposed to me.” Spock stared at Jim with questioning eyes. He didn’t know whether Jim’s response was positive or negative. “Oh fuck.” Jim chuckled and went to retrieve an envelope from his desk. He handed it to Spock and motioned for him to open it. The envelope contained Jim’s favorite picture of them from their first shore leave on the Enterprise and a ring that Spock recognized as the one his father wore around his neck on a chain under his robes. “I’ve been holding onto this envelope since the last time we saw your dad at that ambassadorial summit. So, if that’s any proof. Spock, I’d be crazy to turn you down. I love you, Spock, and I want to marry you.” Spock’s only answer was a bruising kiss that left both of them breathless. Jim then understood the emotions his mom must have felt when his dad died. He couldn't imagine a life without Spock, and if the universe was kind enough, he would never have to.

… 

“My parents have finished preparations for their new townhouse in San Francisco. They have invited us to stay at the townhouse instead of the Starfleet-assigned lodgings given to us. For our last excursion in preparation for the battle against Nero, we will travel to San Francisco to meet again with the Vulcan High Council, the Admiralty, and all available Starfleet Captains. Due to rising tensions with the Klingons in the Neutral Zone, many of the captains will call into the meeting through an encrypted subspace communication system.”

“Okay, perfect, so the plan for the meeting hasn’t changed.”

“Indeed, it has not. Per our schedule, this will be the last meeting between all three entities to finalize and communicate the necessary plans for evacuation should things, as you would say, ‘hit the fan.’”

“Is Chris coming with us this time? Oh, also, your mom told me T’Pau is feeling a lot better after that health scare and your dad told me that he was going to the meeting with her.”

“No, the Captain and the Enterprise will be aiding the colonies and other starships that were affected by the rogue Klingon attacks. Why did you mention T’Pau’s presence at the meeting?”

“You  _ know  _ why. Every time we’ve taken shore leave it hasn’t been close to Vulcan. Meaning we haven’t gotten to do what we’ve been wanting to do since you asked a couple of months ago.”

“T’hy’la, I would be honored to become your bondmate whenever you so desire. You understand, that we could have bonded ourselves?”

“Yeah, I know, but I want to do this right. She’s your clan matriarch, she should be the one to see if the bond is safe and healthy. I just don’t want to make a wrong decision and then everything goes to shit because maybe my mind doesn’t work like you wanted it to, and the bond becomes unhealthy or something.”

“Ashayam, that will never happen. You are the other half of my heart and soul. I will comply with whatever you decide. If we shall be married the first week of the new year after our final communion, know that my mother and your fathers will not be assuaged with your charm at the loss of witnessing our bonding.”


	16. I'd be damned if I lost you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> long time no see :|  
> sorry for the irregular updating yall lol
> 
> PRACTICE SOCIAL DISTANCING #i kno u want sum chimkin nuggies BUT they are NOT essential bro

**2258**

“Our reports from the outskirts of the Gamma Quadrant, described a ship that matches the description Elder Selek gave us. He’s here, sir.”

“Sound the alarm.”

…

“Spock, honey, everything’s going to be fine. Your parents are safe, so is the council, and we’ll be safe too.” Jim pushed all the love and reassurance he could through the bond in order to comfort Spock.

Spock was grateful for the support Jim provided when he needed it most. “I know, ashayam, we are well-prepared.”

“Okay, now let’s go kick some Romulan ass.”

…

“Are Vulcans’ shields holding?” The red alert sounded as Nero’s ship tried to weaken the planet’s shields with some sort of high-tech photon torpedos. 

“Yes, Captain Pike.” Emotions were high on the bridge as everyone worked and hoped everything they had worked towards these last two years paid off. “Navigation systems are slightly glitching, sir. The wreckage of the _Potemkin_ and the _Farragut_ is making it difficult to set a course for the weak point in the Narada’s shields.”

“Captain, the shield’s self-reparation phase should start soon. We should lead them away while we still have the chance. Our red matter sensors already have a lock on the ship’s cargo.”

“Transport it as soon as Sulu and Kirk get back onto the shuttle after disarming the drill’s shields. Uhura as soon as they are back on board send an immediate response to Vulcan’s surface to destroy that drill.”

…

“I will not allow you to endanger your life.” Since they were alone in the turbo-lift, Spock allowed himself the comfort of cradling Jim’s face and pressing their foreheads together.

“Well it's a good thing I'm not asking for your permission," Jim spat out. He realized he was letting his stress affect Spock, so he took a deep breath. "I need to disable their sensors and enable the transwarp beaming switch into their navigation system and then we have to grab the red matter. I know in the plans it wasn't my responsibility, but Kaspersky and the rest of the security team that was on the _Farragut_ are dead. I know you don’t want me to endanger my life, but it’s our job. Our responsibility. Let’s do it together.” Jim offered Spock an ozh’esta and pushed all his love and hope at Spock through their bond.

“Very well. I will meet Mr. Scott in the transporter room and relay the coordinates given to me by Chekov. The coordinates for the transwarp switch were approved by both leaders of the alpha and beta quadrant. No more lives will be lost today.”

…

“You were once called the greatest asset Starfleet ever had. History books said you were the greatest tactical mind to have ever captained a starship. Guess you’ll never get to see if that comes true in this universe.” Nero had Jim by the throat, dangled over the walkway’s edge. The same man who had killed his biological father was about to kill him. Yet Jim knew Nero would never have the privilege of knowing what Jim looked like as the life drained out of his eyes as Jim caught sight of his bondmate aiming his phaser at Nero’s back. 

…

“Captain, we have both Kirk and Spock!”

“Alright, punch it! Let’s go home.” Chris watched as Sulu quickly pushed the Enterprise to warp away from the black hole which the Narada was getting sucked into. For the first time in eighteen hours, Chris was able to breathe deeply and close his eyes. He now had time to check on his crew, his kid, and his clumsy, unconscious husband.

…

“Oh my kan-bu, you’re alright,” Amanda cried as she ran through the gates of the transwarp pod shipyard they had created in case things went south. Sarek followed closely behind in order to greet his son and his bondmate.

“We are gratified for your return, sa-fu. As we are for everyone else’s return. James, are your parents alright?”

“Yeah, they’re fine. During the initial warp we almost crashed into another starship in the midst of the wreckage and Phil got a concussion, so Leonard took over as CMO for a bit. Chris is with him right now at the emergency medical setup at the VSA.” As much as Jim wanted to reassure himself that Amanda and Sarek were okay, he really just wanted to go to his and Spock’s apartment and cuddle Spock for the next two days. The idea that either of them could have died left Jim shaken to his core. He knew that if he spent every second left in his life with Spock, it would still never be enough. To almost lose Spock would be to almost lose himself.

…

“We are gathered here today, for the reveal of the monument placed outside the Chamber of the Vulcan High Council in order to show our gratitude for those who fought to keep Vulcan and the rest of the galaxy safe.” Jim stood next to Spock under the scorching heat of ShiKahr. “On it, are the names of the brave individuals who sacrificed their lives to keep others safe. In honor of the victorious continuation of the Federation of Planets, may we, together, become greater than the sum of us all.”


	17. alight with emotions i can't explain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so you just gonna bring me a birthday gift on my birthday to my birthday party on my birthday with a birthday gift 
> 
> sorry about the wait yall, life got busy, here's an okay-ish chapter for yall, lmk how you like it  
> also, come talk to me on Tumblr @whale-u-b-my-thyla
> 
> might start a one-shot collection, stay tuned
> 
> have a nice one, also remember to stay home if you do not need to go out, if you do WEAR YOUR MASK (if u don't use a mask bc its tOo DifFiCuLt tO bReAtHe iN then you're automatically saying furries are more powerful than you), and remember to social distance! hope everyone is safe and healthy!

Life was good.

After the Battle of Vulcan and Nero’s defeat, Jim and Spock debriefed with the entire Narada planning committee before retiring to their apartment in ShiKahr. It was a comfortable two-bedroom apartment that Amanda and Sarek had gifted them when they found out that they had bonded. It held a lot of personal effects from both Jim and Spock that neither wanted to keep on the Enterprise. 

As Jim and Spock laid in their bed on the second day of their week of respite after the Battle of Vulcan, Jim chuckled to himself as he remembered how his parents and Spock’s parents had found out they had eloped during a ferrying assignment to a summit on Babel which required T’Pau and Sarek’s presence. 

Jim had been dead on his feet, which given the circumstances was a bad analogy. By the last day, all diplomats were on board the Enterprise, he was so tired he could sleep for months. It was the usual diplomat drama, some arguments, potential sabotage, a diplomat’s lost pet, a dead Tellarite ambassador, complaints about room service, even though they weren’t actually a hotel. You know, the usual. The stress of all of these pompous ambassadors totally brought his guard down. This is why during the dinner Sarek suggested they have on their last day aboard the Enterprise, Jim proceeded to laugh out loud at a sarcastic comment Spock let through the bond. Sarek wasn’t happy. Seeing as he was in the middle of lecturing them on communicating more frequently with him and Amanda because Chris and Phil were too busy to keep updating them all the time. And that both of them had to be more careful on away missions because Leonard’s rants about them made Amanda worry. Jim also then made an offhand comment about how funny Spock’s comment was and how utterly terrible it was that other people thought Vulcan’s didn’t have a sense of humor. Safe to say, Sarek was pissed in his own Vulcan way that his mother officiated their bonding without telling her son and daughter-in-law. Then he went on a rant of how irresponsible and disrespectful it was of Jim and Spock to elope like that (in a logical manner of course). But hey, that’s how the cookie crumbles.

...

“Wait, are you serious? I thought this year I was just going to be your first officer since Number One got her own captaincy. That’s what the admiralty decided? She’s mine? She’s really mine? The Enterprise is mine?” 

“Yeah, kid, she’s yours.”

“I can’t believe it!”

“It was a pretty easy decision. The Admiralty agreed when I suggested that you were the best person to take over the captaincy of the Enterprise. They didn’t question it or perceive it as nepotism, only Admiral Marcus, but he’s an asshole, so that’s expected.”

“So this means, your father and I will be stationed on Earth. I’ll be teaching some xenobiology courses at the academy and work at Starfleet Medical.”

“Wait, Pops, so what are you going to be doing?”

“You’re looking at the newest addition to the Starfleet Admiralty!”

“That’s really great Pops.” Jim smiled fondly at his parents. Overcome with emotion over the fact that they made it through this crazy time. 

…

“I can’t believe you’re making me go out into space,” Bones grumbled as he leaned against Chekov’s console with crossed arms and pout.

Jim paused from reading the engineering launch report Scotty had sent his way and rolled his eyes. “Bones, it’s honestly not that bad.” He gave his best friend an exasperated look and hoped Bones would learn to like the beauty of space and get over his aviophobia.

“It’s full of death and disease, change my mind. Jim, you put yourself in so many dangerous situations I have Sarek’s lawyers on speed dial for your will.” 

He feels Spock’s presence before he hears his voice. “Captain. Doctor. Over-dramatic as always, I see,” Spock sasses as he walks past both Jim and Leonard to get to his station.

“Shut up, hobgoblin. Don’t even get me started on you. You’re almost as bad as Jim that I had to stop your mother from petitioning to come aboard the Enterprise for this mission.” He points an accusing finger in Spock’s direction after hearing his comment. He then glares at Sulu and Chekov chuckling to themselves while seated at their station.

Spock lets his humor and annoyance through the bond and Jim can’t help but smile to himself. 

_ I thought we said we would be nicer to Bones. _

_ I do not recall any agreement concerning our behavior towards the doctor, ashayam. _

Jim moves behind Bones and pushes him towards the turbo-lift. “It’s only two years, Bones. Rumor has it though that the admiralty is thinking of giving one lucky starship a five-year mission.” Jim was happily hoping it would be the Enterprise. He didn’t think two years in space were enough for him. Maybe even a lifetime in the stars wasn’t enough.

“And by rumor has it you mean Admiral Dad told Doctor Dad and Doctor Dad told you.”

“Don’t spoil my fun, Bones, you know as Captain no one wants to include me in the rumor mill. That’s why I have you and Uhura, and surprisingly Chekov, to keep me updated on the tea.”

“Rule number one of being in the cool kids club, don’t use twenty-first-century colloquialisms like ‘tea.’ It really doesn’t suit you. You sound like one of Joanna’s friends.”

“Yeah okay you big grump, go do some last-minute launch checks for sickbay.” As Jim pushes the button to get the turbo-lift going, Leonard stops the doors with his hand. 

“Look, kid, I’m proud of you. You got your ship and Spock made an honest man out of you. You’ve come a long way and I’m proud.” Jim knows that by the end of Bones’ sentence his eyes are a little too glassy and he has a goofy smile on his face.

“I couldn’t have done it without you, Bones.”Jim notices Bones’ face softens at his words. These moments aren’t common between the two but Jim knows that underneath all of the lectures and the nagging it’s Bones’ way of vocalizing his love for Jim and the rest of their found-family.

“Alright, enough with the sappiness, you have work to do, Captain.”


End file.
